June Useless Observations
Hello,
March winds bring April showers. April showers bring May flowers. And May flowers bring June bugs. The year continues to fly by at warp speed now that we’ve passed Memorial Day Weekend and summer is finally upon us. For all of my readers in the Midwest and Northeast, enjoy the summer weather while it lasts. And for my readers in the South and West, hopefully, your air conditioning can keep you cool during these blazing temperatures. With another month comes another edition of Useless Observations. Last month’s edition can be found here. Shall we?
UO #1: With the prominence of YouTube and fewer music videos being played on television these days, Paramount should rebrand its television channels. MTV, VH1, CMT, and countless subsidiary networks have shifted the programming on offer so the names they have no longer make sense. There’s a huge opportunity to usher in a new era for each network along with a new name. Or they could maintain their current business model of airing Ridiculousness 24 hours a day.
UO #2: Speaking of rebrands, America Ninja Warrior is another example of a show in need of a new name. I love the show, and I think they perform feats I would associate with ninjas, but where does the warrior part come from? Are they training for battle? Are they showcasing their skills with weaponry? Is there an archery section of the show that I don’t know about?
UO #3: I enjoy watching people struggle to get on and off escalators. It ranks high on my list of unintentionally hilarious everyday activities. A big part of why I find it funny is that you can’t help anyone get on or off an escalator. They have to figure it out for themselves. Watching them do so is like watching someone’s brain solve a puzzle in real-time.
UO #4: I hate Tesla door handles. Who’s idea was it to design the door handle like that? And whose idea was it to combine the inside door handle and the window button into the same button?
UO #5: It bothers me that the University of South Florida is not in South Florida. USF is in Tampa, which is practically in the middle of the state. It’s so close to the middle of the state it’s only an hour or so away from the University of Central Florida in Orlando. The University of Miami, Florida Atlantic University, Florida Golf Coast University, and countless other schools are more southern than the University of South Florida.
UO #6: Pacifiers are the world’s oldest CPAP machines. When I visited an ENT doctor last year, I was shocked to hear how many CPAP machine alternatives there are that simply involve putting something in or over the mouth to force people to breathe through their nose while sleeping. Like pacifiers.