Hey everyone,
I realize I’m multiple weeks late with getting out this month’s Useless Observations newsletter, but as the saying goes, better late than never. The past few weeks have been very interesting. Last month I was in Ireland and I got whatever the new variant of Covid-19 is. I spent my birthday stuck at home and enjoyed a quiet Labor Day weekend. Then I went to a friend’s bachelor party in the Dominican Republic. Luckily, I have both of my ankles still intact. After a hectic week at work, I went to the Atlanta United game this past weekend, only for Lionel Messi to forget that he was supposed to be playing. And yesterday, I watched my beloved Las Vegas Raiders get annihilated on national television. Now that I have a bit of downtime, I plan to get back into my writing groove, so this will be the first of a few newsletters this week. Last month’s Useless Observations can be found here, but let’s see if I can knock off the rust from my writing hiatus.
UO #1: I’m absolutely shocked that Mello Yello still exists in the year of our Lord 2023. Coca-Cola has had multiple Mountain Dew alternatives, and they need to stop trying to compete. First, there was Mello Yello, then there was Surge, and finally Vault. They’ve discontinued both Surge and Vault, and Mello Yello should follow suit.
UO #2: I refuse to watch the Untold documentary about the mid-2000s Florida Gators football team, and I don’t think you should be able to produce your own documentary or biopic. The revisionist history and omissions in these puff pieces are off the charts.
UO #3: I love that you can have a successful candy company and only make one type of candy. Werther’s Original is a company that only makes one item and has successfully done so for the past 50 years, and they haven’t felt the need to diversify at all.
UO #4: Mowing is the term for cutting grass. Why can’t you use the word mow in reference to cutting anything else? I’d love to go to a barbershop and get my hair mowed, if I had hair.
UO #5: They should give you a warning or heads up if you go into a bathroom and there’s a bathroom attendant in there. I always feel caught off guard seeing them in there, and I should be warned ahead of time if using the toilet won’t be free. I always feel guilty for not tipping, but using the bathroom doesn’t usually have a price. I don’t need your gum or cologne or whatever it is that you’re selling.
UO #6: Glow-in-the-dark technology is severely underutilized.
UO #7: Technology has advanced leaps and bounds over the past century, so it’s crazy to me that football pads haven’t changed at all whatsoever. At least they don’t still wear those leather helmets.
UO #8: Why are flood pants and floodlights so different?
I’m glad you’re back to writing!!
You funny ass hell, like always my friend lol